I was busy paying for goods at the till when a stranger came up from behind and whispered in my ear that the black mole on my back was cancer, that his brother had exactly the same kind of mole and died within three months - he urged me to urgently see a doctor. I turned to him and told him that my life is in God's hands, I am aware of the mole and thank him. As I left the shop I asked Chris to look at the mole on my back - he looked and said that it looked red to him. RED? I asked Chris to immediately take me to the doctor. I felt very scared when we reached the doctor's rooms. By the time I saw the doctor I was very agitated. I asked him to look at the mole on my back and I wanted to know if the mole was cancerous and if I was going to die in three months. To my horror, he peered at the mole and then he said, in a voice that sounded worried but caring, that I needed to have the mole removed immediately. The fear and shock that came upon me at that moment was so great that I felt overwhelmed. I informed the doctor that nobody will be cutting out anything and that I am going to leave it in God's hands and that if it is my time to die, then so be it!
When I was about ten, my sister and I were out playing in the yard - she was chasing me, she stretched out her hand to grab me and by accident, she scratched the small mole on my back. I started to cry, ladies from the neighbouring flats tried to comfort me but I was inconsolable. I told them that one day, when I am older; I will get cancer in that mole and die!
All of this past history flashed back to me when I left the doctor's surgery. I couldn't understand why. Driving back home, I realised that I was not the kind of person that would be able to cope with the verdict of "you've got cancer". I knew myself that well and so did my doctor. I decided, in the car, that because God had given me the gift of healing hands, all I would have to do is to lay hands on myself and pray for a healing. Then, this terrible thought entered my mind, "What if it is God's will for me to die?" I knew I had some form of deadly cancer. It all made sense to me now - why I was always nauseous, why I was losing weight, had no appetite and a constant "not well and tired" feeling. When we arrived home, I went to my room, took my Bible and started to pray earnestly. I prayed for a healing. I then made the decision that I would leave this in God's hands. I was at peace with it.
A week later, Chris's sister came to visit us, she is a prize-winning professional nursing sister, I was dressed in a summer dress and as I turned my back to lock the gate, she touched the mole on my back and spoken to me, in a very urgent manner that the mole on my back has to be seen to immediately. I explained to her that I had decided rather to pray for a healing than to have it removed.
I then realized that three people had now confirmed the seriousness of the matter and that I was facing a serious dilemma. I was not prepared to face cancer due to fear and that all I could do was to trust God to heal me. I had no other option.
Confusing thoughts started to enter my mind "What if God does not heal me, what then? I die? Am I ready to die?” These internal conversations drove me mad. I decided, for my own sanity's sake, to rather pretend it does not exist - which was very ignorant and naïve. I comforted myself by telling myself that if I was still alive by March 2010 (3 months) then it was not cancer. At the same time I was praying earnestly to God for a healing miracle. In February, I noticed that the black on the mole was changing and moving away from the mole, as if it was separating itself from the mole. I had heard doctors say that if a mole changes then it is malignant. The more the black spot moved, the more worried I became. That is when I turned from a friendly, kind, joyful, loving and sharing person into a highly aggressive, destructive, resentful and bitter person - blaming everyone for my mistakes - and I started to withdraw myself from the world. I started getting various anxiety related symptoms such as chest pains, racing heart, frequent use of toilet, diarrhoea, being constantly agitated and many more. I came to the realization that I needed help. I started getting panic attacks on a regular basis. I was suffering from fear in the worst possible form. My friends, staff and family knew that something was terribly wrong with me. They were unable to understand or help me.
It was now June, past March, and I was still alive. I was praying regularly. I was committed to prayer even in the midst of all my turmoil. A close friend of mine suggested that I speak to my step-mother about my emotional problems and the mole on my back. I called her and she gently reminded me that God loves me and that I should have the mole removed for my own sanity's sake. She comforted me with the fact that it will not be cancer because God has healed me. The next day, after many worrisome months, I visited my doctor. I was ready for the mole to be removed. He looked at the mole and gave me the telephone number of a specialist.
On the July 8, the mole was removed and sent away for tests. The surgeon said that the mole is perfect pink in colour and on the one side approximately a centimetre away was a darkish mark but that it did not look malignant to him. He only recommended it be removed because it looked strange. Three days later the results came back - the mole was benign. I called my Doctor and gave him the result. He was very happy for me. He said the mole he saw in December 2009 was definitely cancerous and he was very concerned for my wellbeing. God healed me from cancer! I realized that I was not going to die but live. What a miracle.
The next day I was not feeling well again. Why was I then still feeling the same, as if nothing had changed? I now feared more things than before. I still got panic attacks and feelings of intense fear; these were at times so bad that I wished I had rather died. More confusion, do I want to live or die? I decided that I needed counselling. I went to the nearest church for a two hour counselling session. I cried my heart out. The only good news I got in that session was that I was told I was not demon possessed but that I had picked up the spirit of fear. The Spirit of Fear? He said that fear was easy to treat. You simply place all of your fears into a suite case; close the suite case and walk away leaving the suite case behind. Needless to say, that advice didn't work. I was in a seriously unstable mental state.
God healed me from cancer, how is it possible that I have picked up fear in the process? It did not make sense. Why did God not heal me from fear as well?
Unable to cope with everyday life and too scared to take prescribed antidepressants or other prescribed drugs, not even a sleeping pill, I believed I had gone mad and tried to hide it from everyone, but everyone noticed that something was seriously wrong with me. I then got extreme back ache. The worst kind of pain I have ever experienced. I thought my back was breaking and that I was losing a kidney because the pain went into the left side of my back. My doctor prescribed very strong pain killers, gave me injections and I wore a back brace. I was bed ridden. So much pain that I forgot about the fear, panic and anxiety. After 5 days of severe agony, I had had enough; I started to earnestly pray to God. I cried and prayed nonstop for hours. I was desperate for a healing. When I became tired I spoke to God and said that I am tired and I am going to sleep now, but when I woke up in the morning I would carry on praying. I was determined to be healed! I reminded God of His promises relating to healing in the scriptures and that He had healed me from cancer. Needless to say, when I woke up a couple of hours later, it was revealed to me about what I should do about the back pain. I implemented the solution immediately and 80% of the pain left that day and three days later I was completely healed. I have shared the solution with many people who have been suffering from severe back ache and all of them were healed, including a lady of a different faith.
Once healed from back pain, the fear returned. Then for the first time it dawned on me to pray and ask God to heal me from fear. I received my healing from cancer and back ache, why not fear as well? It happened the very next week. I was watching a TV program about how to
Overcome fear
It was brilliant! I was cured that very day. I received my 3rd miracle. I have implemented that easy to follow formula on a daily basis ever since. I have since that day never had another panic attack. I now understand what fear is, the purpose of fear, and how to eliminate fear.
I am now able to once again love and enjoy peace, happiness and contentment. I live life knowing that everything will be fine and turn out perfect. Being content in all situations.
Why 2010 was such a confusing and painful year for me, I do not understand. Maybe God will one day soon explain to me the purpose of why it had to happen.
My life consists of many awesome miraculous signs and wonders. Prayers’ being answered is not something out of the ordinary. My friends, staff and close family has seen the amazing power of God work in my life. Many have been converted because of the miraculous wonders God has performed in my life. God is a God of miracles! If the Power of God and His miracles are lacking in your life, please write to me.
We do not have to be perfect for God to bless us. We only have to love Him completely, spirit, soul and mind. Accept the greatest gift He has given us: His son, Lord Jesus, as your Saviour. Obey His commandments of Love.
God healed me from Cancer, backache and fear in 2010, because He loves me.
He loves all of us so much, with a love that is too great for our limited understanding!
With Love
Michele Rossouw
